Love Letters by Manning Wiki
Make and Breaking Relationships "Khevsure sts'orproba in itself means love (t'rpiali, siq'varuli), solely a spiritual connection between two young people of the opposite sex. All forms of fornication are forbidden and no snoggery has any place in their love."Tedoradze 1930: 131, pp. 106 Relationships in-text Elchi The elchi represents the mediating individual to the boy and girl for sts'orproba. Usually, the elchi would be a girl in order to minimize suspicion when organizing the removal of a girl to be placed into a boy's bed for "laying down". In addition, the elchi would be of similar age to the couple or a relativePage 3. The elchi is specifically a "third term" mediator between the opposing sidesPage 6, can arrange lying down out of respect or desirePage 33, and does not directly engage in sts'orproba herself. The elchi's direct involvement does not often stem past the second or third arrangement of "laying down" Page 14. Lying Down As the Khevsurs use of "lying down" is not inherently a sexual practice or expression of desirePage 30, Manning has organized three linguistic genres to sort the term by it's linguistically pre-arranged context. Simple lying down does not require a mediator or with any formal sense of desire or obligating in lying with the opposite individual. This would happen by chance between closely related or well-acquainted boys and girls within the common sleeping area by accommodation to visits. Due to the emphasis on sleep, there is also more relaxed rules for the physical placement of bodies in relation to opposite-sex pairings. Lying down out of desire is the central concept of "laying down" that is explored by Manning, where each member is engaged as a willing, desired party. This form of contact would initially require the negotiation of the elchi to arrange the act. The ideal partners to be paired would be individuals from the same village who are neither siblings nor potential marriage partners and of equal attractiveness. The lying down out of respect or by request requires an unwilling party to the social obligation or one who has expressed avoidance to the act. The mediator may have to plead the one party to lay down due to such obligations. Typically this is between strangers, guests out of hospitality, potential marriage partners, or affines, with an emphasis on the distance between the two individuals.Page 31-2 Marriage v. Sts'orproba Marriage is likened to "exile among hostile strangers"Page 5 due to the practice of exogamy employed by the Khevlurs; it is considered to be opposite to desire. The ideal marriage partner is a stranger from another kinship or village. This represents a dichotomy in women's lives distinctly separated by personal freedom and autonomy until marriage where there is "unfreedom". In full, marriage is born from obligation, consequence, and greatly disparages with the autonomy of the womanPage 27. Sts'orproba is the expression of desire, which is kept separately from any consequential sexual content (childbirth) that is associated with marriage. The freedom of partners to choose within elective relationships allows for the individuals to express desire, their own autonomy, and represents a form of sexual sociability . The ideal sts'orproba partner is from within one's kinship group or village, as a practice of endogamy. Sts'orproba is described as being an affectionate and physical premarital close friendship relationship Tuite, Kevin . ""Antimarriage" in Ancient Georgian Society." American Journal 42, no. 1 (2000): 37-60. Accessed November 01, 2017. http://www.jstor.org/stable/30028744. Dzmobili The term translates as "sworn brothers" and is meant as gender neutral to express a heterosexual relationship akin to boyfriend-girlfriend in the Klevsur region. To call one another dzmobili denotes beyond the "casual" relation of sts'orproba but a somewhat exclusive, and ongoing sexual relationship. Ideally one should have only one dzmobili at a time, as a woman would only choose a man as her dzmobili once there was a declaration that he was no longer visiting other sts'orperis, even out of obligation. If there was suspicion of other relations outside of the dzmobili then this could impact kin relations, marriage agreements, or result in exile to even suicide.Page 43-44 Making Relationships In arranging a sts'orproba, the elchi is required to persuade the boy and girl separately by appeals of personal desire, or obligations by kinship or hospitalityPage 4. In order for the elchi to approach the desired male, the girl must be "sold" on the idea of lying down with a boy in general, before approaching potential points of desirePage 7. The girl should not speak ill of any boy, however, the modalities of the tone of voice, precise language used, or other indirect hints can allow the elchi to understand the girl's potential interestPage 9. However, the girl is also socially conditioned as to express disinterest to any boy in general and a lack of interest towards "laying down" with a boy. When the boy is approached by the elchi, with the required consent of the girl, he must, in turn, be "sold" to the idea of lying down with that particular girl. The conversation would fall towards the elchi's indirectness as to not mention the identity of the girl, while the boy is focused on understanding with whom he will by lying down with. Khevsur boys should have traits of self-restraint in their social indifference to girls, to not suggest any feelings of desire to elchi. As the couple is laid down with one another, the first meeting will not usually include sexual contact but have a more conversational basis. The boy will joke towards the girl to alleviate potential anxiety, with topics of the girl's affinial kin or plotting boys against girls, and vice versaPage 18-19. The importance of breaching taboo conversational items is for the boy to show he is a good conversationalist to make himself more attractive and inspire intimacy between the partyPage 19, 23. The sts'orproba acts in a social matter, where conversation indexes the intimacy and desire. The lack of conversation, or sudden departure, indexes a lack thereof. The elchi is required again after the first date/"laying down" by approaching the boy and girl separately to ask if they should arrange another meeting. After the second, or third meeting, the elchi is no longer required as the two would become familiar enough to plan independentlyPage 15. Manning recognizes distance, prohibition, avoidance, and the breaking of taboos are modes through which desire is created or maintainedPage 22. With subsequent visits, this maintains the relationship, but increase the chance of sexual social contact being made outside of the conversation. Singular nights with no promise of a returning visit represent sts'orperis, however, the party can change the relationship status through the use of dzmobili ("sworn brothers") which is a more intimate relationshipPage 35. This change is indexed by the presentation of vodka from the girl as a gift to the boy in bedPage 39. Gifts are traditionally exchanged as the affection between the two grows and the way they show their desire becomes more intense website . This amounts to a performative act whereby the girl declares the boy as her dzmobili, as she is the only one permitted to visit the boy and therefore must be the one to present the gift of vodka as her own choicePage 49-50. The decision to enter into a dzmobili relationship was ultimately that of the girls, although she does not directly say who it was she desired to lie down with. The boy, on the other hand, can use performative utterances to express preference towards a certain girl, through an elchi Page 50'. '''The relationship was ultimately made through hints and speculations, perhaps even a statement of desire from the boy, and this was as close as the couple would come to expressing love. Maintaining Relationships Dzmobili is recognized by Manning foremost as the person that one was waiting for, not customarily spending many nights withPage 51. As a couple could go more than a year without laying down with one another, measures were taken to have some continuous presence to maintain the relationship. It was socially frowned upon to show public displays of affection and couples would go to marked lengths to avoid disclosing any presence of their dzmobiliPage 47. Within the confines of these social restrictions, visitation during the daylight and gift exchange was in part tried by one's kin relations. Showing affection and being intimate within Dzmobili relationship is restricted to night time. Love needs to be hidden Like a stolen sheep; Once revealed, it needs to be mourned Like the best dead person. (Shanidze 1931: 144)Page 45 The girl may have her dzmobili as a sworn brother ("dzmobili") to her male kin (cousin, brother) or become a sworn sister to ("dobili") to the boy's female relatives (sister, cousins). When one visits their sworn sibling, part of the reciprocity is to bring gifts of vodka to the household, in which the gift would be returned in a different form (that is sex-dependent based on the recipient). These gifts would be given openly and shared among the receiving party members. As such, the girl and boy would receive mementoes as a reminder of their dzmobili in an indirect (or sometimes secretive) exchangePage 51-52. When a boy receives vodka, he would drink this publicly with friends which would inference that he is the object of an individual's affectionPage 37. The boy would not disclose his dizmobili's identity per social rule. The vodka was symbolic due to its use during ritual, visitation, oaths, exchange and attachment to Khevsur social practice. It was highly durable, unlike beer, and could be stored indefinitely. This is significant, Manning points out, to the girl as it's durability to be kept for long periods was similar to their own long-distance relationship that would thrive on absence. The "mutual avoidance" to being cold to one another publicly, is an absence that "makes the heart grow fonder". The social significance of the vodka is attached to the key values of distance and restraint, where without these the desire would be lost (if laying too frequently together). To exchange silver rings is also common to mark the relationship between dzmobili, to be worn publicly as a reminder of their partnerPage 38. Further, if questioned of the significance behind the ring, this would also be kept secretive. The intertextuality of this exchange links to the drinking of vodka with silver flakes to creating sworn brothers in the male-male context, of swearing an oath to one another by drinking the silver-infused vodka. Breaking Relationships The traditions of Khevsur culture ultimately lead dzmolili to end their relationship so that they could marry another; strangers would not be considered kin, inevitably leading to heartbreak . When engaging in sts'orproba, if the girl is paired with a boy of unequal attraction to herself, she may feign sleeping in avoidance. If she turns her back to him while pretending to sleep, this can result in great humiliation to the boyPage 21. A sudden stop, or lack, of conversation, could also show disinterest by an individual. As the boy cannot outright refuse the elchi in sts'orproba, he may arrange with either close kin or current sts'orpreri to lay down with him on the expected night to avoid the actPage 34. As there were strict provisions to body positioning during sts'orproba, if a boy thought that the girl was being too forward he would kick her out of bed to verbally shame her in her actions. If the boy was too forward, the girl would still be held to the standard of not speaking ill of any boy, but would indirectly affirm that she would be leaving for reasons of his forwardness; due to the close nature of the sleeping quarters, others know of the boy's actions which will deplete his standing with other sts'orpreriPage 27. A man lies down with another woman even if he has entered into a dzmobili relationship, out of obligation, causing his dzmobili to leave him. A woman might also leave her dzmobili if she has the suspicion that he is interested in another female'.''' A dzmobili break-up is a linguistic performative act. If a girl believes that she has been abandoned by her dzmobili she, in tune with the metaphor of vodka, would drink her saved bottle with a female friend or write poetry to effectively "rid" themselves of the vodka acting as a stand-in for their relationshipPage 39. One of the main genres of Khevsur folk poetry was of intense love including the topics of separation and jealousy . The build-up of mildew or mould in the bottleneck would indicate the severity of betrayal by the length of time saved for the relationshipPage 41. Smashing the silver ring with a rock can also serve as an indicator of a break-up. As the durable and public nature of these gifts serves as mementoes of the relationship, the physical destruction of the objects is used to remove the reminderPage 52. The betrothed of one's dzmobili, or anyone who had "stolen" them away (by swearing them as their dzmobili) would be seen as a rival. In an attempt to humiliate the rival, they may write anonymous poetry or gossip to make them a source of mockery. Further, if a male dzmobili were to best their dzmboili's betrothed (in a brawl or race), the engagement would be broken off by the female Page 44. Category:Browse oooooo